Updates

Thought I'd post a few layouts I've worked on. They were a little therapy for me to remind me of Ian's sweet smiling face!! (and to keep a positive outlook!)





Everything from Designer Digitals.

Things Change Quickly

I've been reluctant to write this. Not sure if I could. It has been a tough week. I'm just going to get it done. This is Ian's blog and I guess the good and the bad need to be documented equally. I guess. I'm not sure. But here goes.

My mom got here on Tuesday. Ian went to school, I picked her up from the train station and we enjoyed lunch and a tour of the Governor's Mansion together. I'd really wanted to spend time with her alone since we never do that anymore. We had a great afternoon. Walked to get Ian from school, got coffee at Pete's with the sweet gift card the Ferraras gave me. Shea joined us and we went across the street for dinner at Petes. We litteraly spent 3 hours in the same one block area of midtown. It was great afternoon! Came home and played in the front yard until it was time for Ian to go to bed.

And then...everything changed. While trying to get him to sleep he suddenly, unexpectedly stopped breathing. The color disappeared from his face. I think 30 seconds. It felt like 10 years. There was yelling. There was panic. There was confusion. I picked him up, put him on the floor, took his pajamas off. Mom ran for Shea downstairs. 911 was called. He started breathing again while Shea was talking to 911. All I can remember him saying was "my son isn't breathing, my son isn't breathing." I don't know how long it went on. Time stopped and sped up all at the same time.

I held Ian just looking at him. He was not right. His little face didn't look panick or afraid or anything. It was just blank. I asked him to talk to me. He just had a glazed nothingness to his expression and his eyes. I will never forget just how blank his sparkling eyes were.

The ambulance was on its way. We took him downstairs wrapped in his blanket. Only his Shrek underwear on. He clung to me. A cling from when he was so much smaller and so much more needy. So vulnerable.

He said a few words to me. But not many and barely audible.

The ambulance came. They checked everything. It all seemed ok. The ride with him in my arms seemed the longest drive I've ever experienced. I thought for a minute they were taking us to Roseville since I recognized nothing out of the back windows. They weren't.

The ER, if it can be, was a good experience. They helped him almost immediately. Drew blood, temperature, heart rate, everything. He cried when they put the needle in his arm to draw blood. It was such a sad cry and I hugged him closer but at the same time was relieved to hear him cry, see him move, see him be something like the normal little boy who just an hour before had been bouncing on the bed refusing to settle down to sleep.

They ordered a CT scan and took us more quickly than I expected. He was so tiny in the machine. His little head held in place and covered with a sheet. I laid beside him covered in a lead jacket with directions to hold his face so he didn't move. His little eyes were so afraid. Not certain what to expect. And I couldn't even tell him. I had never experienced one to know what it sounded like or look like or even did. He seemed amazed by the spinning but not so interested that he needed to move his head. Thank goodness.

And then we waited. He became more of the Ian we knew. About an hour after the initial moment he started to talk and goof and generally be Ian. Then he said, "let's go home and take a nap." Midnight. Yes, that is where we should have been. Home taking a nap. He asked us over and over.

We were still waiting. Trying to be strong and happy for him, but on the inside terrified of what we were going to find. Anxious to know what turn our life was going to take.

Nothing. Thank God. Nothing. All tests showed nothing. Not one thing. Everything fine. Everything.

So four hours after it all began we were sent out of the ER with directions to "keep him safe" if it happened again. Relieved a little. Frightened a lot. Completely unsure. Not much explanation. Sometimes it happens in little kids. Body shuts down. No risk unless it goes longer. See his doctor the next day. Get an EEG. That's it.

We all went to sleep quickly but it was not a restfull night. I couldn't turn over. I just needed to see him. Touch him. Know that he was still breathing. Know that it wasn't going to happen again.

In the morning he was Ian. Tired but just our Ian. Laughing, goofing, asking for a movie, playing with his light saber. Everything as it should be. He ate. He drank. He talked. All normal.

We visited his pediatrian. I love Dr. Cutts. He just has a way of making it all okay. He describes things beautifully, honors our internet research, and is completely thorough. He confirmed what we were already beginning to believe. A seizure. Not uncommon in children. Essentially the body rebooting. No pain. No memory of it. Just a need to shut down and restart. Probably held his breath when he got upset about not sleeping. Sent his little brain into a bit of a loop -- breathe, no hold breath, breathe, no hold breath. Common among 3 year old in the "tantrum age."

Now we just go on. Live life. It might happen again. It might not. Keep him safe. Time it if it does happen again. Today feels better than yesterday. Seeing him be Ian helps make it easier. I'm sure the memory will fade for us a little. I'm sure it will be easier to talk about. I know, without doubt, that image of his little body limp in my arms, blue in the face, lifeless won't pass soon. But I've comfort in hearing him play in the living room now with my mom. Talking of Star Wars and Halloween and everything else that should be in a 3 year old's life.

A BIG Week!

My mom is headed into town...should be here within an hour and a half! So excited to have her here all week. Lots of fun things planned including a day of just the two of us! Don't tell her that I'm taking her to the Governor's Mansion. She's always wanted to go, we've just never been able to work it into our day!

AND...the biggie?

Ian is going to ride the train home with her on Friday. His first train trip and his first weekend away from us! I'm a little worried about how he'll do, but excited for him to have the adventure! I'm taking photos of my friend's wedding this weekend so it works out great for us.

Now, I just need to get my mom a camera so she can document the weekend for me...

a week in our life

Click here to view this photo book.

There's a Mouse in the House!

So up at 330AM because I fell asleep with Ian at 800PM! Sitting in my office just taking a little stroll to a few of my favorite places on the internet. I hear something fall beside my desk. Not a huge fall. More of a scooting of something, like the noise you hear when something just shifts because it is in a precarious position. Then I hear it again.

And, who knows why, I decide to investigate. At 345AM!

I move some art that is stacked against the wall in my desk waiting to be hung (once I paint, remove the carpet, get new furniture, etc, etc). First the evidence. Tiny little bits of a Hershey's Kiss wrapper in the corner. A corner that Ian couldn't possibly get to. I continue to investigate (what am I thinking)

And then I hear it. The scamper of little feet as it runs in fright away from me. I scream even though I don't see it. I have no idea the size. No idea the color.

Now it is 4:00AM and I'm freaked out.

My feet are on top of my computer under my desk. No way I'm putting them on the ground. I'm listening for the slightest noise.

And all I can think is...why is the silly thing in my office? Doesn't it know that at any given moment Ian has left a smorgasbord of treats on the floor in the living room??!

Ah the joys of living close to the river...

(oh and that scream at 345AM? Unanswered by my sleeping hubby...geez...)

So I'm Not A Parent?

I don't discuss work much here because this is really Ian's space. But this is just bugging me TOO much!! There was a "gentleman" in my class today who uttered the words, "you aren't a parent if you've only had one kid." He said it just loud enough so only a few people heard it. A comment in line with the rest of his behavior...

It has made me fume...increasingly so as the day has drug on...

I carried him for 9 months
I altered my diet so he would be healthy
I endured natural child birth for his safety
I worked at nursing him for a month before he could do it on his own
I was sleep deprived for months
I spent countless hours in the living room late at night so Shea could get some sleep
I took him to the doctor every week for three months for a new caste.
I handed him to a doctor and left in tears so they could operate on his foot.
I waited a lifetime to get the cystic fybrosis test results back.
I was spit on.
I was peed on.
I cleaned poop from nooks and crannies.
I rocked him.
I held him.
I fed him.
I sang to him.
I worried about the choices I was making.
I called my mom a million times for help.
I called the doctor to confirm what my mom said.
I watched his milestones hoping he'd hit them.
I breathed a sigh of relief when he took his first steps.
I cried when he said momma for the first time.
I tried everything I could to soothe him so many evenings.
I documented every detail worried that I would miss something.
I slept beside him at night just to hear him breathe.
I held my hand on your chest to check you breathe.
I cried the first time I left you at home so I could go to work.
I cried when I arrived home to your smiling face.
I walked miles pushing you in the stroller just so you could be outside.
I went to work with little sleep.
I wiped your little nose and held your little hand.
I felt a knot at the pit of my stomach as I left you with someone else.
I worried all day about you.
I rushed to pick you up.
I thought I heard you when you weren't even with me.
I felt a surge of panic when I couldn't find you in the house.
I cried in relief when I found you playing quietly in your room.
I needed to laugh and scream the first time you unrolled the toilet paper.
I worried every time you wouldn't eat.
I was so proud the first time you said a word.
I watched as you "read" books.
I took you to the park.
I took you to the zoo.
I took you to the train museum.
I pried you from the swings.
I pried you from the dump truck.
I manuevered you and all of your stuff into the car.
I drove 200 miles with you in the backseat, just you and I.
I dressed you.
I bathed you.
I burped you.
I held you when you cried.
I enrolled you in preschool.
I reassured you the day I dropped you off.
I cried as a left you there.
I put you to bed.
I held you when you were sick.
I comforted you when you were afraid.
I explained why you can't cross the street.
I learned to kick a ball so I could teach you.
I attempt to hide my fear of dogs so you won't share it.
I change your diapers.
I wash your clothes.
I brush your teeth.
I take you to your potty.
I give you stickers of reward.
I praise you.
I worry about the choices I make.
I discuss your future with your dad.
I watch my language.
I watch my moods.
I change my behaviors.
I try to be a person you would admire.
I avoid saying negative things.
I attend parent meetings at your school.
I show you how to save your money.
I provide healthy foods for you.
I keep the house clean and refrigerator stocked.
I show you all the things to see in the world.
I try to explain what it all means.
I carry you when you don't want to walk.
I encourage you to make good choices.
I teach you how to be a good person.
I buckle you in your carseat.
I clean goldfish out of the car.
I extract toys from the couch.

I love you more than anything.

I guess I'm not a parent...

Whiny

For the first time in more than 3 years I'm teaching a 5 day class. FIVE DAYS! In front of the room. Ian at school every day this week! I know many people go to work EVERYDAY of EVERY WEEK after WEEK after WEEK.

I'm lucky.

But, wow, FIVE DAYS!

You probably won't be seeing much of me this week.

Making up for all of those weeks that I didn't.

Fall is Here!

We had a busy Saturday which is a sure sign that fall is here! Rain, wind, leaves, pumpkins, pigs and today off to watch a 1/2 marathon! I love fall.

Remember that Project?

It is in the store now at Designer Digitals! I'm so excited to finally see it. 48 of the pages are mine! The most pages I've made in a two month period ever! What a great feeling to finally see it! It will be in the store for a long time...but why wait?? Don't you just wonder if your photo is in it??!

Snapshot

Just a little look at a bit of my week!

1. Woke up
2. Checked email and Designer Digitals
3. Got back in bed with Ian
4. Got up again
5. Drank Cin. Dolce Latte (no whip :)) with Shea
6. Said goodbye to Shea
7. Watched Clifford the Big Red Dog with Ian
8. Worked on a scrapbook page
9. Played with Ian
10. Started cleaning the kitchen
11. Gave Ian snacks
12. Finished scrapbook page
13. Cleaned kitchen more
14. Played "this little piggy" with Ian
15. Attempted to get Ian to nap
16. Ate lunch
17. Attempted to get Ian to lay down
18. Gave up on nap
19. Played with Ian
20. Finished a monumental cleaning of the kitchen
20. Shea home from work!
21. Made/Ate/cleaned up dinner
22. Played on computer while Shea took Ian to the park (in the rain!)
22. Put Ian to bed
23. Listened to the rain
24. Played on computer and listened to movie Shea was watching

Not Often Enough

IMG_4841, originally uploaded by katrina.kennedy.

Ian's friends got together at "our" park this afternoon. They have all grown into these little people...it just amazes me! They get so excited when they see each other and today just squeeled with absolute delight! We just don't get together as often as we used to. Preschool schedules, new brothers (all brothers!), and busy lives.

Over three years ago we all met in prenatal yoga and for whatever reasons, connected, and have kept in touch. Moms and kiddos have been an important part of my becoming a mom having something resembling sanity!

We started gathering for coffee when they were just weeks old sharing stories of sleepless nights and developmental milestones. Now we gather at the park (or some other place the kids can run) and talk about funny things they say and Halloween costumes. Everyone says time goes by fast, they weren't kidding!!

*****Week In The Life Project*********
1. Wake up ( a little later)
2. Get Ian up and dressed for school
3. Ride bike to Preschool
4. Be mobbed by a dozen 3 year olds who all want pictures taken
5. Decaf soy cap at Weatherstone
6. Quick visit by Justin who saw my bike outside
7. Home for a little work
8. A little laundry
9. A little internet surfing
10. Meet Amity for lunch (a long one!)
11. Pick Ian up
12. Go to park to meet kiddos
13. Go across street to our house with the herd of kids because you can't convince only one of them to go the bathroom!
14. Play with kiddos
15. See Paul's sweet new iMac with 24inch monitor! *jealous*
16. Dinner...picked up again...bad eating week for some reason!
17. Watch the debate (if you can call it that)
18. Howl at the moon with Ian
19. Play with photos
20. Go to bed a little earlier than normal! (935...wow!)

Boy in a Bucket

IMG_4706, originally uploaded by katrina.kennedy.

He is obsessed with Halloween. We started the 31 day count down today with little pumpkins I cut out and we're taping to the wall. He announces that he is going to be Darth Vader then Darth Maul and continues that path!! I'm certainly hoping he will be agreeable to being a vampire when the big day arrives.

His Mumzy (aka my mom) has made him a costume that I'm certain will be too stinking cute! It's year number three for her costume making and while last years was THE BEST I imagine this year wil lbe even better!!

**************Week In The Life Update**********************
Had to take photos with my phone today, but still taking them!

1. Woke up reluctantly...
2. Piled everyone into the car(never a great day when it involves the car!)
3. Dropped Ian off at school
4. Shea dropped me off at CalPERS
5. Taught "Managing Yourself on the Job" to a great group of people who laughed at all of my jokes!! (and encouraged me to persue that stand up gig!)
6. Ate a wierd lunch consisting of a spicy pickle, carrots and chocolate soy milk
7. Shea picked me up
8. Picked Ian up from school
9. Hung out with neighbors discussing Obama, Star Wars, Family Guy and the merits of our soil
10. Justin and Breena came over
11. Ate Chinese take out with them
12. Played soccer with Ian in the park
13. Shea put Ian to bed...and never returned!
13. Cruised facebook, designerdigitals and flickr for a while

Watering Can

IMG_4676, originally uploaded by katrina.kennedy.

He has wanted this watering can for SO LONG. A million different reasons for not buying it -- birthday coming, looking for a kid version, etc, etc. Finally just bought the ugly grey one he's wanted since the beginning of the summer!

He LOVES it! He picked out flowers that we will pot tomorrow and we had a discussion about responsibility. Yep...3 years old. He nodded and said yes. Who knows if he really understood when I said, "It will be your responsibility to water them everyday. That means you take care of them so they grow big."

******
On another note

I'm sitting in the dark because the light burned out and it requires a ladder to change. Which requires a trip to the garage. Which could mean a late night encounter with Stinky. Don't know if he is still there. Don't want to find out.

********

And keeping up with my Week In The Life project...today I

1. Got up
2. Folded laundry
3. Worked on project
4. Brought Ian downstairs half dressed
5. He watched a video as a reward for getting completely dressed
6. Took a bath
7. Was joined by a little boy who can't stand anyone else in the tub without him
8. Got dressed
9. Dressed Ian (again)
10. Packed him into the bike trailer
11. Dropped him off at "Play School" (his term for Preschool)
12. Rode home looking sadly at Weatherstone as I skipped my ritual warm beverage stop
13. Worked on project
14. Ate jalepenos on my homemade baked taquitos for lunch
15. Worked on project
16. Broke/Fixed internet
17. Worked on project
18. Chatted with neighbor and Shea
19. Worked on project
20. Went to dinner at Jalepenos' (see a trend)
21. Went to parent meeting at "Play School"
22. Worked on project
23. Chatted with neighbor
24. Worked on project too late
25. Broke printer
26. Said good night to Ian
27. Worked on project
28. Chatted with neighbor
29. Wrote this
30. Went to bed (much too late)

Oh...and that project? Done...finally. So much for sending Ian to PlaySchool so I didn't have to work late nights...

Survivors by Errol Morris

I'm working on a project to capture my week in photos...what a day to also come across this on Cathy Z's blog.

For
Dot
Alex
Trevor
Jerry
Pat
Grandpa W
and so so many more

...I've been thinking it's time to move my body forward again...just maybe the urging I need.

POTD 092808

POTD 092808, originally uploaded by katrina.kennedy.

We spent almost two hours and only $16 at the famer's market this morning. It was just such a great morning to be out, the weather was comfortable, the market wasn't crowded and the light was perfect. I'm sure people think I'm a bit nutty taking photos of just about everything there. But I was able to get this photo and save myself $4 and the headache of throwing them out when they are all wilty in a few weeks.

And even better...afterwards we took Ian to the park across the street and well...this photo says it all. All of my fears about his foot. All of my worries about him walking, running, and being "normal" Look at him go! You would never know that he has a "lucky" foot!

He chased two little boys around for at least half an hour. They were having so much fun! I think they were pretending he was a vampire or something else scary, but lately I'm just not certain!

POTD 092708

POTD 092708, originally uploaded by katrina.kennedy.

Today he was a chef! Ian and Shea made our traditional weekend vegan oil free pancakes for breakfast. Ian loves cooking but REALLY loves it when he gets to do it with Dad. Today was all about chemical versus physical reactions while they watched the vinegar bubble when it met the baking soda. Oh, the joy of having a science teacher in the house!

Ian kept telling me, "we're chefs." Usually he's the "maker man" but I guess he's given himself a promotion!

***Skunk update for those of you concerned***
We ventured into the garage today. v e r y c a r e f u l l y No sign of her/him. We're leaving the light on and not composting for a while. Hopefully if he/she is still in there we will just discourage her/him enough so she/he decides to move right along to the next yard!

Stinky Compost

I compost.

I'm proud of my ability to achieve the correct blend of green and brown items so that there is no smell nor swarm of unwanted insects. I'm proud worms are thriving and sweet sweet mulchy brown stuff is being created.

And then...things began to change.

The bin was moved each day just a few inches.

A hole began to appear in the dirt at one corner.

And one day the entire contents was strewn around the backyard. Only the dirt (and some moldy potatoes remained).

So we did a little sleuthing and given our proximity to the river, weight of the bin and the telltale footprint left on our back deck we determined we had a raccoon who doesn't eat potatoes.

A little frustrated that my composting efforts were waisted on a masked bandit I was determined to not let him (her?) win. So I continue to compost, throwing big rocks against the bottom to deter digging.

Until tonight that is...

Having not fallen asleep putting Ian to bed, Shea had new found freedom! So in what appeared to be a fit of boredom? he went to the garage in the dead of night to dig out old Cd's. I heard him go out and DEFINITELY heard him come back in soon after. He looked at me as he plopped into his chair and said, "I just had the *#@x!! scared out of me!"

It seems as he was looking for his Cd's a furry black and white creature (rodent?) walked right in front of him...minding his own business. THANKFULLY Shea had the presence of mind to not scream, run, or panic. He backed out of the garage...and then ran!

It seems that raccoon we thought we had...

IS A SKUNK! And now it is living in our garage!

OH MY! I guess we are going to get familiar with animal control!

Meet Pinchy

POTD 092408, originally uploaded by katrina.kennedy.

Pinchy is almost a year old! Hard to believe that so much time has gone by so quickly. He really hasn't grown much but he has shared in a lot of great adventures!

Today Pinchy decided he needed a few brownie bites after leaving school. It's a tough life being a lobster so we caved in. Seemed that a little mocha was the perfect addition.

Wonder where his adventures will take him next...

"I've Got An Idea"

Ian's new favorite phrase! He just blurted it out one day while talking to Shea. "I've got an idea." Then there was a long drawn out pause followed by a look of pure delight over his idea. "We can play checkers!"

He's never played checkers before. I didn't even know he knew the word.

Today we were telling him it was a school day. He looked at us. Paused.

"I've got an idea...Mom and Dad stay home...for a Home Day!"

I wanted to have a home day just because he was so stinking cute! Not a bad day though. He went to school. I finished two large projects. Discovered iGoogle. The governor signed the budget. He cried when he had to leave school (Ian, not the governor).

Got any ideas?? I'm sure Ian would love to hear them!

POTD 092208

POTD 092208, originally uploaded by katrina.kennedy.

Guess where we went today?

Slowing Down

Life got a little crazy around here the last week or so. I think things are finally calming down a bit and we'll be back into a normal routine.

Wanted to wish my dear friend Melanie a very happy birthday :) I'm late for her in the UK, but heck it's still her birthday here! Plus, she deserves a jubillee too! She is one of those people I've never met but feel so very close to! So excited that we are meeting in real life in January! What a blast that will be, both of us flying hours from home and spending a jet lagged weekend together with 20 other women meeting mostly for the first time! (is mostly a word?!)

Take a look at her blog! She has the most adorable kids...and well, Daisy is spoken for! Mel and I just need she and Ian to meet now!

POTD 091108

POTD 091108, originally uploaded by katrina.kennedy.

Victory! 20 stickers on the sticker board meant he could have this dragon! 20 happened this morning and we went immediately to Target. On arriving home it was a huge hit! Not only does he open his mouth and his "fire" lights up while he flaps his wing, but he also walks a long way AND can carry a guy on his back!

Ian was VERY excited about it! And if you ask him what he had to do to get those 20 stickers...what do you think he'd tell you?! So proud of him!

POTD 090608

POTD 090608, originally uploaded by katrina.kennedy.

This morning Shea made me tea in this mug. It's one of those I've had a long time (see the chip?!). Ian was amused by it and especially by the little girl. Our conversation:

Ian: What's she got?
Me: A weight, so she can be strong.
It's good to be strong.
Ian: And beautiful?
(gasp...where did he hear that one? he's 3!! we have no television! It's good to be beautiful??!! WHAT?!!)
Mom: Beauty is on the inside (what else do you say?) Who is beautiful?
Ian: That girl. (pointing to the mug)
Mom: Who else?
Ian: And Addy...

Ahhh sweet boy. You make me smile. And yes, Addy is beautiful!

Outings

We met everyone in Old Sac on Wednesday to do a little Halloween shopping for the kiddos. Shopping was amuzing as the little girls wanted all things pink and Ian wanted everything scary. Vampires, skeletons you name it. The scarier the better it seems. Although I think he is settling on being a Jedi. Our neighbor Paul helped seal that when he arrived at our door step with a light saber that expands AND lights up! I'm not sure I've seen Ian quiet so taken with a toy yet. He carried it everywhere (including the grocery store), slept with it, and then had to be convinced that it was too special to take to school.

I digress though...the real point of this post was to show this adorable photo. I love how they are all holding on to each other in some way. We were playing the "touch the brown wall and..." game with directions like do a monkey walk, walk as slow as you can, be an elephant. The directions here were to get in line...they are still learning! The only thing missing is Leo!

POTD 090208

POTD 090208, originally uploaded by katrina.kennedy.

"Play School" day 2.

A little easier time dropping him off this morning although there were tears...that is so hard. He knew we were there to pick him up before we could even get in the gate. It seems the bigger kids already know that we are his parents and announced us to him! We were met at the door with a big hug and smile. Then he insisted that he play for another 10 minutes or so!

Day 2 and we also received our first "incident report." I didn't even know schools did that! We have a nice little diagram of a body with a big X over the cheek. Very medical official like. Seems he crashed on the playground and they found him just sitting there with a little quiver but no tears. Peer pressure makes me think I need to borrow 4 or 5 kids to keep around the house. Oh, the incident report also documented the treatment. "Ice and lots of hugs." If only everything could be treated so easily!

Goodbye Summer

So this is it. Today it ended. No more. Over. Done.

School starts tomorrow! Shea is out of here bright and early tomorrow morning to "teach the kids", Ian goes to his second day of his new preschool*, and I will be home alone to catch up on the work that I've put off over the summer because there were just so many other things to do!

This was an amazing summer! Truly the best I've ever had. We've packed so much into it I think it would take me a day just to write it all down.

Maybe that is what I'll do tomorrow. It will be like extending it one more day. Those others things can wait. Right?

*yep, that was the tough decision. After 1.5 years at the Phoenix School we made the decision to move Ian to a co-op school in our neighborhood that is vegetarian and just seems to fit us better!

POTD 083108

POTD 083108, originally uploaded by katrina.kennedy.

Back in town this morning after 3 days away. Nice to be home...so...of course we hopped on our bikes!

We went to Chalk It Up. It has become our anual Labor Day Weekend tradition! Ian was a little more interested in the playground than the art, but with the coaxing of throwing money into the fountain and looking for batman he agreed to see the art! We didn't find Batman but we did find the Backyardigans!

SuperMom

I've been in a mom funk for a few days. That crazy place where I begin to question all of my choices, strategies, tactics, methods, insights, etc. etc. That same place that I begin to worry about having damaged Ian at just three years old dooming him to a horrible life. Typing it now I can see just how silly I sound.

I got some amazing advice from a great group of women who've become such dear friends...who I've never even met, but know me so well. Such wisdom shared so kindly!

So today I finally realized where all of this was coming from. I needed to make a BIG decision for Ian. Something that had been eating at me for a while and I didn't even realize how much. But...we made it. I'm still not completely at ease, but feeling better about it by the moment.

The advice I received mentioned that the very act of questioning your decisions is a sign of a good mom... so given my level of questioning I must be SUPERMOM!

I'll share soon. (Unless you are my mom and want to call me :)*** ) In the grand scheme of life this is probably pocket change but in our little world this was BIG currency!

***I'm still amazed anyone reads this other than my mom :)

POTD 082408

POTD 082408, originally uploaded by katrina.kennedy.

He is just silly.

He knew he couldn't be "dad" without the hat and glasses! We asked him if he was going to get a job like dad and he said he wanted to play. Oh don't we all little man!

Shea goes back to work/school tomorrow...he'll be taking his glasses and hat back.

Happy Camper!

POTD 082108, originally uploaded by katrina.kennedy.

Ian looked forward to camping for days! He went on and on about sleeping in a tent telling everyone he saw!

Day One was great! He played, looked for bears and racoons, ate next to nothing (normal) and was eager to sleep in the tent. Afternoon day two arrived and he looked at us and said, "I want to go to my new house and watch a movie." That turned in to crying and sadness that only a piece of chocolate could cure! Smores were just a little too weird for him...he just didn't get the idea of burning a marshmellow and then eating it!

Night two went well with a little guy who was still looking for racoons. We woke to find a perfect foot print right on the picnic table! Ian announced to us that he was done camping and wanted to go home. After a little parental deliberation we decided the trip would just be better for everyone if we cut it a day short!

So short but fun!

He's home in his new house now...and yes, he watched a movie! (of his trip to Legoland...go figure!)

POTD 081908

POTD 081908, originally uploaded by katrina.kennedy.

What do you with a boy at 830 PM when he's had a bit too much sugar and the softball field across the street has the lights on?

Any guesses?

If you guessed let him run until he can't anymore you've got it right! We played tag, chase, run, and fake baseball. Just as Ian was starting the let's throw infield dirt game an owl flew over us. That prompted him to become an owl and there we have it!

We knew he was done when he came running and said he was a baby owl. I scooped him up and asked him were dirty baby owls took baths. He told me in ponds. Luckily we found a pond upstairs!

Now that owl is sleeping!

Little Tikes

POTD 08-18-08, originally uploaded by katrina.kennedy.

How cute are these three? We had a fun day out and about Midtown today! Had to cut it a little short for the little guy's doctor appointment but always great to spend time with Kathy and kiddos! Ian actually fell asleep in the wagon on the way home!

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We are in a bit of mourning around here! Tomorrow I work which signals the end of the best summer we've ever had (I seriously mean ever, even summers when I was a kid and got to slide down the front steps and wash my hair in the wagon with my sisters).

I promised myself I'd be in bed by 1000PM so I can get up early and actually look like a human being before I stand in front of the room...I guess I lied!

Ian's First Three Days

I've been working on this for the last 10 weeks and now it is finally done! Katie Pertiet the owner of Designer Digitals put together a great challenge and supported it with a template each week. I love how it came together and can't wait to see it printed!

I'd love to see your comments over at Shutterfly :) Thanks for looking!

Click here to view this photo book.

POTD 081508

POTD 081508, originally uploaded by katrina.kennedy.

A sneak peak at our bathroom! Shea finished it today after 3 weeks of completely gutting it including removing all of the wood from the walls and the 5 layers of old linoleum!

He did it all! New bamboo flooring, painted the tub and tub's feet, replumbed everything, new wall board, textured, painted, new trim. I LOVE IT!

Now it is my job to find the shelving, mirror, and decorate. It definitely needs some photos, but choosing which ones is hard! I've only taken 7000 this year! LOL

Completed photos when I'm done! And for a kick, here's what it started out as!

Friends, Pirates and JPG images

We spent the morning at Charleen's house today watching baby Oliver while she deserved a little birthday break! He is such a cutie! It is the most time I've spent with him and I must say he's got a great little smile and "man hair". I still didn't get photos of Oliver and Charleen together but I was able to snap a few of Oliver between the activity of three 3 year olds and a 9 month old who has mastered the army crawl!

Leo gave Ian a great pirate book complete with patch and face paint! Ian wore the patch most of the day and had his "moustache" reapplied several times. He has been telling us he wants to be a pirate with a sword, and a pirate hat...and (lawn drawn out Ian breath) BOOTS for Halloween!

On another, somewhat unrelated note, that no one but me probably cares about. I switched my camera off of RAW and back to JPG. That means all of the photos you see today are completely UNEDITED (gasp). No Lightroom adjustments or photoshopping has occurred. SOOC! Decided it was unreasonable to think I could postprocess the 50-100 photos I take EVERYDAY and still have a life! (That also can be translated into...Shea's summer vacation is almost over and I'm going to have to get up out of this chair a little more often!)

POTD 081308

POTD 081308, originally uploaded by katrina.kennedy.

This is my new favorite thing/place. Yummmm.

Not only do they have nondairy "yogurt" but they have a bar of fresh fruit to top it with! Mango, kiwi, pineapple, 3 kinds of berries! Yum!

And it's just a short bike ride away from home!

It's My Change

They were wrong about the terrible two's. Two was easy compared to how the direction three is headed. He willingly voices his opinion, asks why 50 times, ignores me just because he can, refuses to eat, says no just to be negative, yells demands at me and then turns on me with phrases like:

"I love you sooooo much."

"Mommy I need you."

"I was born!" (just in case I've forgotten)

Yesterday Shea came bounding down the stairs and said, "we need grandparents here NOW!" LOL You know things are bad when Shea is calling in reinforcements.

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We made our Monday trek to Starbucks after gym class today. Addy and Ian now expect it and would be truly disappointed if we didn't go! There was only one petite vanilla scone which appeared to be okay with his royal highness until Addy showed up with Madelines! So it began.

"Momma I need Madelines."

"Finish your scone first."

"I don't want my scone." (which he had just refused to share with Addy, who had asked very sweetly)

"Finish your scone and then I'll get you some."

"I NEEED Madelines."

"Well, then give your scone to Addy." He of course, willingly, happily handed it over!

I contined my conversation with Kathy enjoying much needed time to console and get advice on not strangling three year olds.

"Momma buy me Madelines."

"Just a minute Ian, I'm talking to Kathy."

"Mommma I NEED Madelines."

Giving in, but not wanting to I had one of those brilliant bursts of Mom intellect (they don't happen very often)

"Ian, do you want to buy your own Madelines?"
For a brief second he looked at me like I was speaking a foreign language. He started to spit out, "you go," but something stopped him.

I handed him a $5.00 bill.

"Here's your money. Take it to the counter and buy Madelines."

Money in hand he walked to the counter. Made his purchase and returned.

When I ask for the change he looked at me and said, "It's my change."

Yep bud, it's your change. Everyday.

8-8-8

I love numbers! I love when numbers have significance. I love when I wake up and the clock says 11:11. I love that my house number is 214...the same day as my first date with Shea. I love when it is 1:23 or the grocery bill is 7.68 (ok 76.89) So I was pretty excited about today! As part of my photo a day project at Flickr I decided to make the most of the day!

Feeling the end of summer nearing Shea got in on the action with me!

At exactly 8am this morning we set out on our bikes to photograph 8's anywhere and any form we could find them! And my first sighting of the day -- triple 8's!!

First stop Fox and (the) Goose for breakfast. And seated next to us? Mayoral Candidate Kevin Johnson. So we "eight" next to him!

I think Ian is unhappy because 1) the guy's kind of short for someone who was in the NBA 2) mom is making him take a photo with someone she won't vote for 3)he heard him say negative things about city council members in a public place 4)he knew mom would attempt to take over his blog with some political statement (be sure to scroll down to the sexual assualt allegations)

From there we headed to the Old City Cemetery in search of 1888 headstones, but go sidetracked for this along the way!

Tim at Station 5 was the greatest! He showed Ian everything on the ladder truck and let him drive too! (although Ian's feet don't quite reach the pedals yet!)

Then to the cemetery. Lot's of 8's but not one 8-8-88 to be found!

Ian then decided he'd had enough of following us around so he asked to go to the "blue park". So we did, but found a few 8's on the way. We did find the 8th planet at the park!And then off to the library to get Ian his own library card! (I cried...it's a big moment!) Last stop on the bikes -- Green Sacramento for some gorgeous Leaf .01 Yolo Colorhouse paint for our bathroom. (which is so close to done I can hardly stand it! of course it probably would be done if it weren't for 6 hour bike rides to find 8's!) The owner kindly explained to Ian exactly how he was making our color and Ian loved imitating the paint shaking machine. I wish I'd taken a picture of Ian's trailer loaded with 10 library books, a baseball bat, and 2 gallons of paint!

While Ian took his nap I got to take photos of this sweet little one week old! Congratulations Leah and Jim! (and thanks for letting me spend 3 hours of your life with you :))Home just in time for Shea to say...we've got to eat. He sat in the car reving the engine to give me just a little clue that he was going with or without me! (Let's just say that I cleaned the refrigerator out before San Diego and we've not refilled it...again, things that get forgotten when looking for 8's)

Dinner at Ernesto's with only a short wait for an outside table. Just in time to hear Mariachis play! Ian LOVED it!

Then home with a tired little guy ready for bed!

I can't imagine a better day! I'm already planning for 9-9-9, 10-10-10, 11-11-11, and 12-12-12. What will I do in 2013?!

Home

We are home again! About 1400 miles covered and only 700 or pictures. Not as many as I expected :) But...somehow we've arrived home with Erin's shoes and without my card reader. So...I have some really cute shoes that don't belong to me and no way to upload all of those photos! Ahhhh!

I think my first errand tomorrow will be a visit to the Post Office to send some shoes to San Diego and then somewhere to buy a new card reader!

More details when I can show photos too!

POTD 08??08

POTD 08??08, originally uploaded by katrina.kennedy.

This is vacation!

We spent the day at Legoland. Lots of things Ian could go on since he just made the 36 inches cut off!! There were a few he wanted to go ok but couldn't...they probably would have scared him anyway.

It was worth it for Ian nut the place has NO shade! Lines weren't Disneyland length but in full hot sun and lacking the "magic" they Were a bit....mmmmm....unbearable.

And what is it with parents who scream at their kids for crying when they obviosly just tired and need naps? Shea and I decided that amusement parks need napping lounges!

So nice to have feet up and a little relaxation tonight!

San Diego

A full day of driving and we've arrived in San Diego. Ian and Kirin are warming up to each other and figuring out sharing. Good to see Erin and Ajay and to finally be out of the car! The weather in San Diego is gorgeous as expected.

I think we are headed to the beach for a quiet easy going day. Legoland and Sea World later this week.

Sleepy

Sleepy, originally uploaded by katrina.kennedy.

in the car headed the 6 hours to San Diego. Nice to go the 101route for a change of scenery.

Ian is being a good sport and just fell asleep forprobanly the rest of the drive! He's excited about "seeing the fish" ska Sea World.

Blogging from the car so keeping it short!

Lion boys

Lion boys, originally uploaded by katrina.kennedy.

Ian decided they should be lions at lunch! We are in Morro Bay today and leave for San Diego in the morning. Good to see Shea's family.

POTD 073008

POTD 073008, originally uploaded by katrina.kennedy.

How can you not smile when you see this photo?! What makes you smile?

It may be quiet around here for a few days! Going on a roadtrip...will attempt posting as we travel!

Have a great weekend!

Birthday Party Recap

Unedited! Gasp...can you believe it??!! I actually moved my camera out of RAW just to make things a little easier on me! Enjoy... Pirates Flips

And feathers
And jumping into the pit!

And the birthday boy!

1103PM

Dear Ian,

I had to stay up until 1103 PM tonight because that is the exact moment you joined us! It is a moment that you changed my life in more ways than I can count. At that precise moment I witnessed a miracle I'm unable to compare to anything else in my life.

In the last year you have changed so much growing from a toddler to a boy! I love that I can have a conversation with you that really shows me how your little mind is developing. You display such empathy and not only try to please me but cheer me up when I'm sad.

You have your moments. Those moments that test my patience and make me wonder how I will ever make it through the teen age years. I am reminded that every day you are becoming more of an independent person testing the boundaries of your world. Funny how you always seem to balance the tough moments with sweet thoughtful ones filled with phrases like, "I need you" and "I love you so much Mom."

Our days together seem so full of activity and discovery now, it is becoming more and more difficult to remember what you were like last month, last year and even last week sometimes! I hope I never forget that precious twinkle in your eye when you are being silly or those moments that you reach your hand out to touch my face when you are napping. And of course, I hope I also remember the moments of you shouting, "I don't like those choices" or " I don't want to" or my new favorite "it's here time, not bath time."

When you arrived in this world I felt an overwhelming sense of your purpose. Something you needed to accomplish. Something you were here to do. I never guessed the changes you would make would be in me! You've made me love someone more than I ever imagined possible. You've connected me to my sisters, my mom, and all the moms I know in a way I did not know.

Quite simply, you've made me a better person. I hope I can continue to help make you one too.

I love you little man.

Mom

Happy Birthday Ian!

Three years ago today! Happy Birthday little man!