I find fault in all of them. Something is crooked. Exposure is off. Focus isn't tack sharp on the exact spot in the iris I think it should be. I see it in every photo. Somedays I find myself thinking, I don't want to take photos today because I'm not going to like what I take anyway. I don't hang them on my walls because I'll end up critiquing them.
And then there is the worry that if I show the world the less than perfect photo, somehow that will mark me as a hack. A wannabe. Someone with the means to buy the equipment, but not the knowledge to use it. And since, none of my photos are perfect, i guess that would mean I show you nothing.
I find myself longing for those days when I took pictures without knowing how it all happened or what an aperture or an ISO was. I long for those days where what I focused on most was the moment. The smiling face. The precious child in the frame.
I can look back on photos from a few years ago and definitely see how much I've learned since then. But those photos hold something for me. Just pure intention. The pure intention of documenting my life. Capturing that fleeting moment.
My childhood photos hold that pure intent too. I don't wish they were exposed differently or framed with less clutter. I feel comforted in knowing I have those bits and pieces of my life to look back on. That is enough. They don't need an action or a preset or an adjustment. They just need to be cherished.
I know these feelings will pass. It is a low in the roller coaster ride of photography. Some days there is passionate love and other days there is mere tolerance. I guess that is what makes the ride so fun!
So today. And from this day forward, I'm going to work on just loving my moments. However they land. Whatever they look like. Because they are my life. That is the important thing.
I will stop being so hard on myself.
6 comments:
Wow... You read my mind! Just this morning I was having a battle with myself. As I try to get professional on my photography, I am constantly questioning my capabilities. I ended up laughing at myself and telling not to take myself so seriously. Thanks for this post.
Good for you, Katrina. You are too hard on yourself! You rock and so do your photos, but I do like your philosophy of enjoying the moments. Gotta do that, too.
This really hits home! When i see all our baby photos (in fact up until recently) i find myself saying..." I wish i had known this, or known that..." But the fact is at that time i was living in the moment, oblivious to what a good photo could look like, not thinking one whit about technical stuff, ONLY wanting to capture that moment in time forever. It is good to loosen up and enjoy the journey. :)
I''m TOTALLY there with you. You summed it up perfectly.
Well written. Let's just enjoy our kids without the pressure of capturing the perfect photo. I love the new look of your blog btw.
I feel the same way. I love being able to take a fantastic photo but not if it means losing the moment.
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